Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
