I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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