i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize