O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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