dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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