So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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