Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
