Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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