Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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