haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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