Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He felt like a one man threesome
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
