i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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