I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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