I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
