I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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