I smell stomach acid.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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