there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
