member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
