I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
