I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
