I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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