i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
