thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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