How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
