I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
