What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
