I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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