Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
