I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
