A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize