I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
