he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
