I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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