he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
