am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
