woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
