I got chris browned last night
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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