Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
