I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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