Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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