wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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