C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
