Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
