Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
