just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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