K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
