just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
