which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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