Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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