some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
