I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
