then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
