Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
