she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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