as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
