Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i think my cat just said my name.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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