im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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