Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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