Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
