Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
