I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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