we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
