he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
