why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize