Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
