the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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