When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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