2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
