I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
operation harelip BJ is a go
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
