We're like a lot better than the average bears
do herpes really smell.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
