I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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