im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
