I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
