Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
