Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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