New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
