I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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