Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
