I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
birth control should be required to get into college
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
