I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
