The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
