Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
