Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
