there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize