I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
