i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
