omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize