I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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