I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize