I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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