She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
false alarm. still invincible.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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