whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
