Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize