I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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